past memory

this is the true story...

happened long time ago...

it began when i got offered to further my study at boarding school..SBPI Pekan..

even it is new school and not prestigious school like STF,SESERI n etc...

but i was excited...thanks god...

at that time i still remembered...

ak sgt2 teruja dpt g sbp...

ye laa biasanya ak mampu tgk je cousin2 n abg ak dpt offr mrsm sbp...

my mom spent thousand ringgit for my preparation..

siap bayar yuran smpai half semester lg....

disangkakan panas smpai ke ptg..rupanya hujan di tengahari...

tu laaa idiom yg sesuai utk ak...

ak mampu b'tahan 2 mggu je kat sbp..

then called my parents...

told them...

to take me home...

my mom paksa ak suruh duduk kat sana smpai half sem..

ye laa da habis beribu2 rggt....

but i called my father...

for this kind of situation....it easy to pujuk2 my dad compare to my mom...

then...my dad said "YES"...

n asked my aunt who stayed closed to my school uruskan proses ak balik ke daily school

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everything occured in a split second...cececece...

actually the real reason i left that school...

i never told everyone...even my parents...

when they asked me...

i said i cannot adapt myself with the new environment....food...study...

it definitely true actually...dat the second reason...

but the major was...

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ak MERAJUK ngn kawan ak...

my new friends there...who r very close to me since the first day we met...

me...mahirah...n mahirah's friend nabilah...

we were kelantanese..always eat together...study together..

kat kelas kami duduk sekali...

konklusinya...kami begitu kamching...

until one day....

i could not remember wut really happened...

but wut i felt at that moment was..

LONELY..

i felt left behind....we were no longer talked  to each other...

laughed???no more laughed...

masing2 very selfish...ego...xnak bertegur sapa n mengaku kesalahan diri...

very CHILDISH...especially myself...

ak yg started bt hal...so supposedly ak yg patut mintak maaf..

but at that time...ak xmatured...

seriously..ak rasa keseorangan...

yeah...i had another friends..

i juz quarelled with them...not others....

so y should i worried rite??

dat true.....

tp kita akn berasa lain...rasa cam perlu keluar cepat2 dr this kind of situation...

rasa beban sgt2 kat kepala nie....bajet gitewww...

padahal mslh kecik je...

so...ak ambik jalan mudah...

call my father and asked him to take me home...

mudah gitewww kan...

i left all my problems there..

until i wanted to move..

i still arrogant...ego...

xckp xmntk maaf ngn org yg ak buat silap..

i knew dat was my mistakes..

but like i said before...

ego yang tinggi bt ak fikir

"asal ak yg kena mntk maaf bukan dia....dia yg buat slh'

lbey krg camtulaaa...

it took until SPM result for us to talk..

she called me and asked whether i still knew her or not...

of coz i knew....

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sbbkn perangai ak yg buruk tu...

ak rase menyesal sgt2 tgglkn skul tu...

ak nyesal sbb 

a)ad bdk kls sblh ak nie... 1st time org pggl ak ***....biasanya family ak je pggl camtu...xsempat den nak siasat name dia...muka pon da xberapa igt...yg ak igt ak prnh kate 'bdk ni not bad"...muahahhahahahhahahah

actually ak nyesal sbb ak xsempat nak b'gambar..nak b'enjoy...ngn membe2 ak kat sana...especially ngn mahirah ngn nabilah...no memory with them...

sape suruh ko merajuk sgt...

merajuk juz menyusahkan diri je bg ak...

we lost EVERYTHING...

tipulaaa ak kata ak xterasa ngn membe2 ak spnjg 4thun ak kat utm nie...

ad tu ad...tp...

i don't want pisang berbuah  dua kali....

i know the effct...

so bila da merajuk...pandai2 laaa pujukkan diri sendiri...

we r old enough...

x cool r merajuk2 nie....

hewhewhewhew~~~

huhuuhuhuh

sob sob sob~~~~
n.ak balik.............
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too many things occur
now u know da feeling being left alone...
dat wut i felt...
not once but many many many times..countless indeed...
it really really hurt when people around me keep asking
"knpa xikot diorg g ........?"
how can i answer dat if i never know
but...
i let it bury in my heart...
too many things i kept it...
dat i felt one day it will b exploded...
hopefully not before 21 june 2012...
when dat happen..
wut i need is my family...
so..
i can forget it
n continous live in happiness..
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some times when it happened..
i want do da same like others..
shout it in social media..(like wut i did now...)
i mean others than this..
tell the world ur feeling
easy rite
n people will blame others...
it bad to read such negative comments that u know directly point to ur face!!!!
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nevertheless...
i kept thinking the negative impact
and is it appropriate ways???
if it can ease urselves..
than dat gud......
i never try it...so i cannot tell it....
well...i will find someone..my friend...
who i can tell my problems...
spend a days with her so i can keep smile in my face...
for my own sake...
i'm not telling them my dissatisfaction...
cause i know they will ignore it
how do u know??
u never try it..
mmmmmm...
lgpon x tough laaa kan jiwa lembut
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when i flashback..
i think i'm such a petty person...
i smile all the times..
but that don't mean i'm happy..
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luckily only 25 days left
when i said i will not contact anyone after this...
i guess i really mean it...
let count the days now~~~

my past memories

tgk kat fb...
oooo besday budak tu ke hri nie....
lpa plak...dulu ak igt gak...
igt sbb pe???
sshhhhhhhhh....~~~
hehehhe
t'igt plak zmn ak dok matrix...best sgt sgt sgt~~~~~
klu mtrx tu 4 thn ak rela je~~~
kikikiki...
xtaw laaa y i like it so much
too many memories there...
that will be remain secret...
bajet secret laaa kan.....padahal xde benda pon..
saje nak menghiperbolakan ckit....
ad lg semiggu for euro 2012..
sama2 laa kita menyokong belanda spain german eng~~~
excited ak nk sokong...
klu kat rumah confem laaa ak tgk live...
via tv je laaaa...
nk g europe xmampu....
but i will...when i am no longer "STUDENT"....hehehhe

 B.5.3.7..rela kitaorg pakai lawa2 juz for photoshoot :)

 dinner for kmpp students kat luar kmpp...lpa plak nama tmpt tu

 F4P1....mmmm

 ak tgk ad sorg bdk tu je trus nk lempang2 bg sedar ckit..sbb pe???mmmmmm

with da bez cikgu kimia...kat mtrx dulu ak suka bljar organic....sbb ckgu zaidi nie laaa....baik sgt2...explain bg kitaorg faham n igt....kat utm nie lain ckit...mayb sbb ak yg kekurangan feel study kot...hohoohoh...actually beliau before jd ckgu mtrx mrpkn seorng engineer kat offshore...super senior ak...ak igt lg beliau resign sebab he said "if something happen kat pelantar tu, he will be last one to be saved"..

nie laaa membe2 ak yg rapat while i was here...but already lost contact with huda....i don't know y...i tend to ignore people even they r my friends when i move to another place....kejam kan ak??

my rumate yg sgt2 baik hati...satu kepala ngn ak tme kat mtrx...k.ila sgt2 baik...memang xley nk compare ngn ak laa kn...i left very far behind....prnh sx ak ngamuk..sebab pe??sebab ak rase awat laa k.ila nie baik sgt....hahahha...biasanya klu ak marah kat org tu, like i said previously, ak mmg ignore je laaa...hbs semua org ak ignore...konklusinya mmg org dpt detect laaa....pastu k.ila text me n said sorry...trok kan ak..

 ak sorg je lain...hehehe...ak sorg je bdk physic kat sini..heheh...

 dat da first n last i went to stadium...rajin plak kn ptg2 ak g b'sukan

i love KMPP so much

design xsiap lg~~~

cepat2 zahira~~~